This is an example of what you may see. Art.

Apparently, according to the website, “lines get long” so they suggest arriving at 6pm instead of 4pm, but I feel like they are just trying to steal some free art from the masses. They are so surly there. So surly.

The Museum of Modern Art
11 West 53 Street
New York, NY 10019-5497
(212) 708-9400
info@moma.org

In unrelated news, my cat just did the cutest thing. He just sat down, but it was adorable. How does that work?

from freeNYC.com

Sure, depending on where you live, getting there is pretty brutal:

By Metro-North Railroad: Take the Metro-North Harlem local line to Botanical Garden Station. Walk across Kazimiroff Boulevard to the Garden’s Mosholu Gate entrance.
Just 20 minutes from Grand Central Terminal in Manhattan
Also convenient from other locations

By Subway: Take the B, D, or 4 train to Bedford Park Blvd Station. From the station exit:
• Take the Bx 26 bus east to the Garden’s Mosholu Gate entrance.
• OR walk eight blocks down the hill on Bedford Park Blvd to the end (approximately 20 minutes). Turn left onto Kazimiroff Blvd and walk one block to Mosholu Gate entrance.

But, hell, that’s $6 that you won’t have to spend to see the currently in-bloom lotus:

www.nybg.org

Swamp rose-mallow:

www.nybg.org

OR:

Fragrant Abyssinian gladiolus:

www.nybg.org

And of course enjoy the grounds which are based on Kew Gardens (London- not Queens) and it has over 1 millions plants and plus it’s one of the biggest botanical gardens in the world and the biggest one in any American City. Plus the New York Botanical Gardens can beat you in a fight. That’s for sure.

So imagine my delight when, while trying to find a time to see Ponyo I discovered that the AMC Theatre Empire 25 Time Sq. not only has the longest weirdest name- but also overs matinee prices up until noon! That’s right- $6 for a real, current movie in the “heart” of New York City. I am actually kind of stunned.

AMC THEATRES EMPIRE 25

234 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036  (888)262-4386

Take any train to 42nd and walk west, except the ACE. Then walk East. And obviously, 123nwrq7sace are better.

I’m going to take in the 11am Julie & Julia. FOR $6 YETI HUMPIN’ DOLLARS!

But I will suffer no more because my friend Trixie (name has been changed) went to a spa in Queens and the lady there told her that because caffeine is a major ingredient in all those creams, you can just rub coffee grounds on your ass and it will work the same way. Great news.  That french press you bought at a yard sale just doubled it’s value (to $10).

pic stolen from lifehacker.com

Here is how I have been doing it:

- mix half a cup of coffee grounds with shower gel (in the shower), then rub the mixture rapidly on your thighs and butt area. Rinse off. Spend 10 min cleaning the tub. The last part isn’t as important if you just don’t care how your apartment looks anymore. You know, from the depression of unemployment.

I also read this method on Ihatecellulite.com

Home Remedy: Use Coffee Grounds to Remove Cellulite

• Put some newspaper on the floor of your bathroom.
• Mix about a quarter-cup of warm used coffee grounds with a tablespoon or so of olive oil. Stand on the paper and apply the coffee mixture to your cellulite areas using your hands or a loofah mitt. Don’t worry if a lot of the coffee mixture falls to the floor; enough will stick to your skin to do the trick.
• Wrap the area in plastic wrap and allow to remain on for several minutes.
• Remove wrap and brush off excess coffee mixture. Shower with warm water.
• This procedure is most effective when repeated twice a week.

I am personally not sure how to wrap my ass(ets) in plastic wrap, but I am going to give it the old college try.

Being a girl is FUN!

That stuff DOES sound great, with the most intriging items laying in the “sports equipment” catagory. Let’s all go and then we can throw a frisbee around in the park between the bridges to celebrate. Someone better book a zip car too for all our great stuff we’re going to have.

But being broke is no excuse to stay in your home all night and watch the food network, loser. That’s why I am heading to the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre tonight to spend my $5 on one of 3 tip top comedy shows. (actually, 5. Whaaaat??!!!)

from ucb

7pm- Jill Donnelly; Amnesia and Attempted Murder in Upstate New York. Jill hosted this week’s Maude Night (where your’s truly is a performer with Sketch Troupe Gorilla Gorilla) and cemented in my mind that she is a comedic genius. Plus the theatre gave her the whole hour which shows thier super faith in her. $5.

8pm- Oscarbait & As The Diamond Burns: An Improvised Soap Opera Two full long form improv shows for the price of one! ATDB has had a looong run, so you know they are good, and Oscarbait is getting great buzz. $5

930pm- Mother May I Dance With Mary Jane’s Fist? & I EAT PANDAS: We Classy The later I know nothing about, except that it seems awesome. But I Eat Pandas’ Eliza Skinner, Glennis McMurray and Frank Spitznagel (on piano) put on, hands down, my favorite improv show at the theatre ever. It’s musical. $5

AND THEN, even when your $5 is gone, daddy, gone, you can stick around for School Night at 11pm, cause it’s free.

The UCB is at 307 W. 26th St. near 8th Ave. Hey: Make a reservation, it lasts longer!